Celebrating love with a difference

By FPJ Bureau, May 5, 2013 01:44:51 AM

Love knows no language and barrier! The story of  a Transgender Shabnam & her heterosexual husband Mukesh is a fitting example of this commonly said phrase.

This is a love story straight out of film, albeit with a difference. It has a hero, a heroine – and a villain, too. But then the plot took a 180-degree turn and this action-packed romantic thriller became a new-age love story, poised to be recorded on the sands of time.

Meet Shabnam (once going by the name of Gopal Khawaskar), 21, a kinnar (eunuch) girl, and her husband, Mukesh, 22, a ‘straight’ guy. Together, they decided to defy social taboos and get married over a year ago in Nagpur, Maharashtra.

Their romance began about six months before they got married. Shabnam went to visit Mukesh’s sister, who was her cousin’s friend. “When we met, it was love at first sight for both of us. Mukesh asked for my mobile phone number that very first time. We soon became friends, and then our friendship developed into love,” recalls Shabnam.

Mukesh, who seems to be the more inhibited of the two, chips in, “I couldn’t express what I felt for her in words, but I was very sure about one thing – I wanted to protect her from the big, bad world and take care of her forever. So we took the bold step of tying the knot.”

Their decision predictably created a uproar – and not just within Mukesh’s family. It caused a furore across the town. But the couple was determined to take their decision to its logical conclusion with all the courage at their command. Shabnam ultimately wed Mukesh, and the ceremony was witnessed by the elders of the kinnar community and organised with a lot of fanfare.

Like other blushing brides-to-be, Shabnam too thoroughly enjoyed her pre-wedding haldi and mehendi ceremonies before she finally tied the knot officially and settled down in a cosy home with her beau. Today many months have passed since the duo settled down together. Ask Shabnam if things have changed after the wedding and if the fires of passion have dulled somewhat, she is quick with her reply, “In fact, we have only gotten closer after the marriage. We have become even more sensitive towards each other’s feelings and needs and we are glad that we took this decision to be together.”

With a closer interrogation, it becomes evident that the couple’s life this past year has been anything but easy. When they got married, Mukesh had expressed his wish to take care of his wife financially. Shabnam was more than happy to stop going for the ‘gana bajana’ (singing and dancing) sessions and other activities that the kinnar community participates in to run their homes. Initially she did stay at home, while Mukesh worked as a daily wager and sometimes as a steward at an eatery to make ends meet. But the couple soon realised that his earnings were not sufficient to run a home. Finally, Shabnam decided to go for her ‘work trips’ along with the rest of her clan members.

Shabnam’s guru, Kashish, who is the head of a ‘hijra’ clan in Nagpur, gets emotional as she says, “I really pray that my ‘girl’ stays content forever in her new life and I want her groom to protect her from all the obstacles in life. Financially, my dharma daughter has to lend a helping hand to her husband, but I’m happy to see that the two are living happily despite the economic hardships.”

While, on the one hand, their financial troubles have given them plenty of sleepless nights; on the other, hurtful barbs have come their way in abundance after their marriage. Mukesh admits that both of them have a tough road ahead. “But, I’m ready for all the challenges and insults. My family didn’t attend the wedding and even now they are not supporting us in any way. But I’m capable of taking care of my responsibilities and I have Shabnam by my side. I know, we will not have our own children, so we plan to go in for adoption later,” he says.

Mukesh is very clear about one thing. As he puts it, “If anyone says anything nasty to my wife, I will not tolerate it and will give a befitting reply for sure. Every marriage, at the end of the day, has to face its share of challenges and dilemmas. But when we are together – after fighting these small battles of life – the journey seems truly beautiful.”

The saga of this brave couple will go a long way in portraying ‘hijras’ – the marginalised sex –  in a more sympathetic manner. The unfortunate part of the story though is that there is no legal sanction for this marriage with a difference. According to senior lawyer, Madhavi Chimote, (BASED) this union is null and void before the law. “The Hindu Marriage Act doesn’t recognise such marriages, but no action can be taken against the couple by the police,” she states.

The senior-most guru of the kinnar clan and the dharma ‘naani’ of Shabnam, Seeta Shah, stands by the couple as they face rough times.

source: http://freepressjournal.in/celebrating-love-with-a-difference/